I agree with everyone else that this sounds very much like sexual assault/rape. It just took an opportunity to do what it’s supposed to do. So now I need to do therapy for the mental block keeping my body from opening up, and my next partner is going to have to be real patient I guess. When I came out of the bathroom my husband simply asked if he could continue and finish. He says “I love you” maybe once or twice a month, and we aren’t really intimate with each other (again just once or twice a month). It’s understandable to feel bummed when a guy doesn’t care about you the way you care about him, and shedding tears over the situation can actually help you feel better. you need to leave. He doesn’t care about you one bit. 8. Here are four. Leave. My son is in seventh grade and is failing most classes. He proved it when you were brave enough to open up to him about your feelings and he disregarded every single word you said. Thus a small part of him doesn’t want to lose you while the other part wants to know what you are doing. When your partner or family members need you, you somehow manage it to help them in the best … 1. It doesn't appear in any feeds, and anyone with a direct link to it will see a message like this one. I was sexually abused and raped repeatedly by my first partner during a three year relationship. Source: I’m a doctor. Either way ,it doesn’t sound like you guys should be together. I was taken aback, I said no, and that was the end of that situation. You need to find out what is causing you the pain. He called me disrespectful and I shouldn’t be saying he doesn’t care when he’s trying to be a good dad to me. Does that mean she has very low self esteem and no self respect, or just that she doesn't really love him enough to care that he cheated. He is Not Willing To Spend On You. He wants me to apologize for giving him attitude and for what I said. Once he’s finished, he’s ready to go straight to sleep — he couldn’t care … By Cosmo Luce. If he thinks more, all he … From time to time, everybody makes excuses and compromises in … But why is this so difficult for a parent, a adult? I am so so sorry that you are in this situation. More posts from the relationship_advice community, Continue browsing in r/relationship_advice. I developed vaginismis from my ex husband. Son Doesn't Care About School and Grades. He doesn’t really start conversations with me any longer (but he doesn’t avoid conversation, when I talk to him or send a text he replies right away). I can't even begin to list all the problems I have—money, health, job, family tensions, you name it. Please go see an OBGYN and get checked out. His face changed in an instant, to pure hate, and he said I had to do it. X Research source [16] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source Outside of this... there are still happy moments. 17. Once I got away from that relationship and got some counseling, sex stopped being painful with other partners. Fear will do that to you. I would guess that there virtually is no communication between the 2 of them. Need help with your relationship? If your boss waits until the required formal performance review to tell you how you’re doing (that is, if you have a review at all), he doesn’t value you. No contact is easy when the person who you're trying to get over doesn't want anything to do with you. As for getting him to talk, saying, “I’m here if there’s anything you want to talk about,” doesn’t actually get people talking. It doesn’t give a shit about you. And he’s probably cheating anyway. People care about themselves and how a situation will increase what’s valuable to them. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. Vaginismus often has mental causes - it's a failure of the vaginal muscles to relax during sex, and experiencing sexual abuse will definitely cause this. It feels like he doesn't care about me and the kids. 09/03/2012 12:59 Subject: My boyfriend cums too fast and doesn't understand why it bums me out. He is Not Willing To Spend On You. I'm a guy and my wife has endometriosis so sex has been painful for her at times. Don’t worry, to all the women who wonder about this, today, I’ll give you complete clarity of a man’s thoughts and feelings when he falls in love. Sex is supposed to feel good for both parties. He posts about his dogs, cooking, and going fishing. There is a user on here, https://www.reddit.com/user/Ebbie45 she is a domestic violence crisis counselor and there are a lot of resources on abusive relationships and how to safely leave one, if you choose, and how to stay safe in one, if you decide to stay. Soon after getting married, there was a string of hurtful sexual encounters. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! Just like anything else in life you want to master, it will require consistent practice. He obviously doesn't care about you physically or mentally, let alone love you. No one can make a child care about something. I liked sex before him, and had no problems at all. Cookies help us deliver our Services. I need advice on next steps in my relationship. I tag him in our photos and check us in places, and he doesn’t untag himself. I find what helps is if you initiate the conversation. Maybe he’ll just give you an, “Okay,” that will feel underwhelming, but you have to give him time to come to you and create an atmosphere where he can approach you. If he doesn’t see how great you are, then he is blind and dumb. and his defense mechanism kicks in and shuts down. MORE: The 9 Biggest Signs He Doesn’t Want To Be With You Anymore. He tells you he loves you even if he doesn’t feel it or mean it because he doesn’t care about the aftermath, he lives for the moment. Every syllable of this. I let it happen, doesnt matter if I like it or not. Sign #7: He doesn’t ask you any questions about you and doesn’t seem interested in who you are. I've given up on God because He doesn't seem to care about me. My fiance and I went through most of a school year in which he was depressed and suicidal and all kinds of shit, and I ended up doing this a lot. His face changed in an instant, to pure hate, and he said I had to do it. The text of the post has been preserved below. 5 Signs He Doesn't Care About Your Feelings & Doesn't Take The Relationship Seriously. I hate to break it to you but your husband is a fucking rapist. The mood was bad after that. 2. Once you get to a certain age, you start to understand that you need to want more for yourself. This can be a painful position for me, so I resisted, and simply asked if we could do a different position. Be honest about what you’re feeling and what you need and maybe it’ll prompt him to be honest in return. After all, he should be the one chasing you, not the other way around. He isn’t moved when other guys get your attention. You can get to know where the heart of a man is by studying the direction his income flows. So people see it. When a guy says he doesn't want to be in a relationship, chances are he's being frank with you; he simply doesn't want to be in a relationship. 17. A sudden random “how are you” text/call: Though he is ignoring you, if he thinks about you daily, he tends to start missing you more and more. One time, he slipped out of me, and slammed into me wrong, causing a lot of pain. What OP is describing is horrifying to even hear. Sex for him is all about being in control. That's okay. Your partner should not be raping you. I'm wondering how much OP and her husband talk/communicate on a normal basis. Perhaps, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. He treats me so well, but more like a friend than anything. I just let it happen. I just let it happen. This is a clear sign that he still thinks about you. You definitely don’t sound like you want a relationship. This is awful! I can't even begin to list all the problems I have—money, health, job, family tensions, you name it. WHAT KIND OF A SELFISH SON OF A $!+*# DOES THIS... TO HIS OWN WIFE NO LESS!?!? He doesn’t deserve to have such a … I would just focus on what it used to be like with him, and what it (hopefully) would be again. He was so pissed off when he threw away the cake. He’s scared because he knows that you’re the real deal, and maybe, right now, that’s not what he wants. It may be time for this parent to change her focus. Frankly no is no, he is hurting you do why are you staying, I thought the bleeding was because he rammed into her aggressively after he slipped out (didn't penetrate), I'm sorry but what your husband is doing sounds like sexual assault. He’s made it abundantly clear that his needs are far more important than yours. If you figure out you’re on different pages, you might leave him, and that’s a risk he’s avoiding. It confuses me a lot. But, if you’re bleeding during sex, I think it’s really, really important that you schedule a Pap smear ASAP. In bed, it’s all about him! Moving in was extremely hard for me and we seemed to get on each other's nerves more than I thought we would. Have you had a sexual partner before? Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! It feels like he doesn't care about me and the kids. I've given up on God because He doesn't seem to care about me. Has it always hurt this much? The flu isn’t out to get you. If you’re a candidate for the black sheep journal, you’ll find redemption in these words. When you spilled your heart out to him, when you told him everything you have been bottling up inside, and he acted like you were crazy. Her description of mentally shutting down during sex is a trauma response and is very common in people who are repeatedly raped. Think about it this way, do you want to put up with this for another 5 years, another 10..another 30... No! He probably does care about you, he does enjoy spending time with you, he does like you … he just doesn’t like you enough. If overall he seems really into you (and when a guy likes you, it’s easy to see), and he doesn’t text back, then it’s probably because he’s busy or distracted. You should also see a psychologist/counselor and discuss these issues with them. It makes me feel king of shitty. Could OP even discuss what's been going on in the bedroom without her husband losing his temper? You still care about him immensely. He doesn’t care if you finish. 5 Signs He Doesn't Care About Your Feelings & Doesn't Take The Relationship Seriously. Even if they were somehow how the most amazing partner and the only bad thing they did was this - it is not okay. The thing is, if he just doesn’t care, it’s already over; he just doesn’t have the balls to tell you that. Listen up. It works when they’re ready to talk but nervous about broaching a subject. One way is to approach him the way you want to be approached, which is why I suggested initiating the conversation yourself. The issue I’m having is that I feel like he doesn’t want to hang out with me. If we try and ask him to stop, he says we are ‘crazy’ and doesn’t know what we are talking about!” “We took a personality test and I am a 9.75 out of 10 on caring for others. So he doesn’t give a shit about you. She has a lot of great resources. After you try it once, you will be a fan. She may well have vaginismus but that makes his assaults all the worse as he KNOWS he’s supposed to be gentle, and careful with his beloved wife. I am not AT ALL surprised she's experiencing regular vaginismus. You don’t want to be with a man who has to lose you in order to finally wake up to himself and realize you are in fact what he wants, or, on top of that, a man who wouldn’t even care if he … If he's large he may be hitting her cervix, which is extremely painful. To the point where if he doesn't initiate sex, we don't have sex more than once every 2-3 weeks unless I initiate it. Take your pick! If he wants to try something a little different, he expects you to go along with it. I am getting so angry at him. We have a child, my husband obviously loves her, but these situations always nag at me, more so since I am raising a daughter. In other words, men generally spend more of their money on things they consider important to them. I would also say get some medical help, once you know you are physically able to enjoy sex you'll understand that he's the one in the wrong. 5. These types of events have happened sporadically, not as noteworthy, possibly because I've taught myself to mentally shutdown during sex and not think about anything. A2A Parents are given a very difficult task. If he doesn’t ask or doesn’t show any signs that he’s bothered with a possible competition out there, you can bet he really doesn’t care … This thread has been locked by the moderators of r/relationship_advice, More posts from the relationship_advice community, Continue browsing in r/relationship_advice. In other words, men generally spend more of their money on things they consider important to them. You have to learn how to cope with it. Q. Since he doesn't care enough about you, he has no business joining you in such a discussion. Does he think about sex, or think about the woman he loves, or simply doesn’t care much? Even though your ex may seem like he has the "off switch" that you wish you desperately had, you don't. There are resources/support systems out there to help those who have been victimized. I would leave the relationship/sex, bc it’s abuse. Need help with your relationship? Maybe it’s because he’s incapable of liking someone past a certain point (a point that would lead to a relationship), or maybe he just doesn’t see himself with someone like you for reasons beyond your control. Anonymous: There are numerous techniques to train a male to delay orgasm including Tantric Yoga. Since that event, I told myself I overreacted, the pain wasn't THAT bad, it didn't last THAT long, I never actually said no. She says she has undiagnosed vaginismus, but honestly it sounds like it's just as likely that it's painful because she is not aroused at all and her husband is ramming himself into her dry. Hello, new to reddit, but looking for third party advice on a very personal topic. If he's distant, it's because he doesn't care enough. After that, I stopped trying to make sex about me, or even us. Cookies help us deliver our Services. When he’s leading you on, he does what’s of his best interest. He loves sex, and it's very easy for me to turn him on and get things going, the problem is is that I'm getting tired of being the only one to initiate it. That being said, sex isn't supposed to hurt so much. I'm going to let you know a secret. Either way ,it doesn’t sound like you guys should be together. But, to numb the feelings a little bit, I sometimes just constantly remind myself that the person doesn't share the same feelings and that they aren't good enough for me or don't appreciate my many, great qualities I have and that I shouldn't waste my time caring about someone who doesn't care about me. He doesn’t care about you one bit. They have been asked to help someone to grow and learn to be an adult. She doesn’t praise you publicly. Press J to jump to the feed. He doesn’t think of you when he’s making decisions. Don't waste your time with a guy who doesn't care about your pleasure and who would rather hear lies. When I got home he told my mom what happened and they got into an argument over it. But you can leave as soon as you see signs that he doesn’t care. This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. Toxic family members can cause a lot of stress when they show the signs your family doesn’t care about you (signs 1-4 below). What I ended up reading: A story about rape. Please consult a doctor and also a therapist. I am getting so angry at him. I didnt say no, I didnt fight back, I froze. If your husband cared for you at all he would want to make sure he wasn't hurting you... especiallydueing sex! Sex was always painful, even when I consented. Like you had no reason to talk to him that way. Most people never see the obvious anyway. Aug. 28, 2017. Things just seem to work better when there's less friction. You don’t have time to waste it on someone who doesn’t value it. Except I have been struggling with our sex life, for years, and if it's normal or not. Moderators remove posts from feeds for a variety of reasons, including keeping communities safe, civil, and true to their purpose. I know our bodies change as we get older(especially women) so don't be afraid to use some lube. They Don’t Support You Back. So hold on to your nerve while you dive deep into the … And he’s probably cheating anyway. He’s scared because he knows that you’re the real deal, and maybe, right now, that’s not what he wants. By Cosmo Luce. Take care of your daughter and yourself. I hate that this is a thing, but it is a thing. Or he’s in a emotional prison,distraught,hurt,angry,etc. You don’t want to be with a man who has to lose you in order to finally wake up to himself and realize you are in fact what he wants, or, on top of that, a man who wouldn’t even care if he … The thing is, the people that matter know all about me and are happy for us. I can't count the number of times I have been the one to stop because I can't bear the thought of hurting her. You can get to know where the heart of a man is by studying the direction his income flows. If he’s been wishy-washy with you from the beginning, then his texting is a reflection of how he feels. She doesn’t praise you publicly. and his defense mechanism kicks in and shuts down. If it doesn't, you need to stop and communicate with your partner. The answer to your question is so simple, yet sooo many people seem to dance around it. Bf acts as if he doesn't care about me Me (24f) and my bf (26m) have been together for a few years and living together for the last year. You’re happy, and financially secure, and everyone thinks you’re the perfect couple and you’re married to an abusive, misogynistic rapist. I know you say God cares about us but I haven't seen any evidence of it in my life. This is the most obvious sign a guy will ever show, and though one of the most painful, it is the most honest. That girl you want to date doesn’t care that you can’t get her off your mind. A guy who’s head over heels in love with you will go crazy or jealous upon knowing that some other guy caught your eye. And, yes, definitely check out ebbie's profile. He’s not worth it. 8. You definitely don’t sound like you want a relationship. Here are the Top Four Signs Your Family Doesn’t Care About You. I didnt say no, I didnt fight back, I froze. Aug. 28, 2017. If he doesn’t care enough to make you happy he probably doesn’t care much at all. I know he loves me, I can tell by the way he looks at me and body language in general, but he doesn’t star conversations with me, … But now, since I hated him for so long and he was so abusive, my body did NOT want to have sex with him. So for as long as he can, he’s going to keep you in the dark. Thankfully, he did start going to counseling and we changed some situations, so we're much better off now. Or – signs your family doesn’t like you. Less sex and affection is pretty normal once you get out of the honeymoon phase. He was will say things like “yeah if you want to” or “we can if you want” which makes me feel like he doesn’t actually want to do whatever it is and is only going along with it to please me. I know you say God cares about us but I haven't seen any evidence of it in my life. The reality is, families who don’t care for each other are ultra-common. What I thought I was going to read: A story about a selfish lover. As long as you’re clueless about your future, he doesn’t … He doesn’t care about you. Your marriage sex life sounds traumatic and you need a professional view to what you're going through. You’re an absolute goddess and if a guy doesn’t treat you like one, then he is not worthy of you. From time to time, everybody makes excuses and compromises in … He doesn’t want to commit, but that doesn’t mean he wants you to kick him out of your life. If he lays a hand on you or becomes violent, leave immediately. Since he doesn't care enough about you, he has no business joining you in such a discussion.